NICEVILLE, Fla. — In this week’s edition of It’s Geek To Me, Jeff Werner marks the 1,000th issue of his long-running column with a look back at nearly two decades of Geeks, confetti, Geek Tower, and a few secrets he has kept along the way.
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Ever since the first issue of It’s Geek To Me published way back on July 26, 2007, I had a dream of making it to 1000 issues. At the time, that seemed like a near-impossible goal, something so far into the future as to be nearly unimaginable.
Yet, in founding the column, I designed everything from file-naming schemes to URL-short code patterns to leave room for four digits to count the number of issues. So, deep down, I must have believed I’d actually make it.
Well, the future has arrived, and with it, this grand, glorious, monumental issue of It’s Geek To Me. Perhaps I’m a bit tattered, a bit the worse for wear, and certainly with a lot less wind in my sails than I had lo those many years ago. But it seems like the more important thing is actually crossing that line. With that in mind, welcome to It’s Geek To Me Issue #1000.
Through the years that the column has existed, I’ve often made it a bit of a tradition to celebrate those issues with lots of zeroes on the end. Those of you who have been around for a while might remember little gems like these:
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From I.G.T.M. #100, June 21, 2009: “Okay, so apparently getting 100 issues of a weekly newspaper column under my belt is a far bigger deal to me than it is to most of you, my fellow Geeks. So, we’ll dispense with the celebration and get to answering some questions instead. (By the way, if you feel bad about missing the 100th issue blow-out blast, there is another celebration next month when It’s Geek To Me hits the big 2.0 – its second anniversary. Watch out for all the flying confetti.
From I.G.T.M. #200, May 22, 2011: “Welcome, my fellow Geeks, to the grand spectacular 200th issue of It’s Geek to Me! (Insert appropriate confetti toss/champagne toast at your own discretion.) Yes, the party attitude was certainly in the air at Geek Central this week.”
From I.G.T.M. #400, Mar. 22, 2015: “The halls of Geek Tower were alive with music and merriment this week, as the crew of It’s Geek To Me celebrated our milestone 400th issue! It’ll probably take Clyde the Janitor days to sweep up all the confetti, and we’ll probably be pulling Silly String® out of the ductwork in the break room for weeks, but it was worth it! The column has come such a long way since its humble beginnings in 2007.”
From I.G.T.M. #500, Feb. 19, 2017: “Welcome to the world of Facebook in 2017, and welcome to issue number 500 of It’s Geek To Me. After I climbed out from under the pile of confetti and interns from our spectacular 500th Issue office party on the top floor of Geek Tower, I gave my research staff the rest of the week off, dragged myself to my corner office and pondered how I might bring this landmark issue to you, my fellow Geek-Readers.”
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I have a little confession to make to any of you gullible enough to have believed all my hype over the years. There was never any confetti, nor piles of interns, nor Clyde the Janitor. There is no “Geek Tower” save for the home where Spouse Peripheral and I joyfully bring you the Geek Lights on the Corner each year. There have been no raucous parties, and my “corner office” is in reality the coffee table in my living room.
These little fantasy elements, all designed to make the column more light-hearted and your reading of it more enjoyable, were wholly inspired by the now defunct NPR show Car Talk. On their show, “Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers” would often talk about “Car Talk Plaza” and the soaring office building from which they would bring forth their show. All as fictional as my fantasy elements, but a fun read.
Another I.G.T.M. “secret” is why I refer to my wife Wendy as “Spouse Peripheral”. That pseudonym, by the way, has followed her to the Geek Lights on the Corner, where our many visitors and helpers still call her that (and yes, we really do have an active support crew that helps us to put the show on each year).
Anyway, when this column first started, there was a local Master Gardener and author named Marie Harrison. In her books, she would occasionally mention her husband, who would build things for her and haul heavy stuff to where it needed to go. She always called him “Amiable Spouse” when she mentioned him. I wanted to do something similar, and so “Spouse Peripheral” was born.
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There was also an occasion when I referred to someone I called “Daughter Board.” I’m sure you can guess who that is.
My dear Geeks, it’s been one heck of a ride through these 1000 issues. I’m pleased to say that I got every last one in by my assigned deadline, even though I never got paid a single penny for all my diligence and hard work.
This is not quite goodbye yet, but I do want you to be aware it’s coming, and probably sooner than you think. After all, I have a Christmas Light Show to build! To all of you still reading – thank you! Good luck, and happy computing!
To view additional content, comment on articles, or submit a question, visit my website at ItsGeekToMe.co.
Jeff Werner, a software engineer based in Niceville, Florida, has been writing his popular “It’s Geek to Me” tech column since 2007. He shares his expertise to help readers solve everyday tech challenges.
